Hollywood
Squares.......
If you remember the Original
Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great
questions and answers are from the
days when "Hollywood Squares" game show
responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and (often) dull,
as they are now. Peter Marshall was
the host asking the questions, of
course.
Q. Do female frogs
croak?
A. Paul Lynde: Only if you hold their little heads under
water long enough.
Q. If you're going
to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should
do it.
Q. True or False, a
pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been
having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to
Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is
attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your
five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does
it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple
and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It,"
"I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the
next apartment.
Q. As you grow
older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question
Peter, and I'll give
you a gesture
you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do
Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've
just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q. In bowling,
what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered
in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado,
are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in
the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the
Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a
dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were
pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid
of the dark.
Q. According to Ann
Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most
abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly
isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old
days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays
pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple
have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up
to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason
recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen
them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
Q. According to Ann
Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh |